The love life of this .tiff has been up and down the past few months to say the least. In a flurry of romantic frustration I jokingly admitted to my friend Dre that I would no longer be dating anyone from the human species ever again. Alternatively, I would choose to find my respective beaus in the largely diverse populace of mythical creatures: the likes of elusive Sirens, brawny Centaurs, and bashful Minotaurs. This works out ideally in a variety of ways but is a most successful goal as mythical creatures don't exist, thus freeing my personal torment from all relationship related drama. Furthermore, I choose not to engage with the likes of the Second Life crowd which automatically prevents me from acting inappropriately about said decision.
Dre thought this concept was rather hilarious, and being the dastardly clever friend he is, sent me the following list titled "Signs your unicorn is cheating on you". The following is an excerpt from the book Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists which also includes helpful lists such as "Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock 'n' Roll", "Future Winners of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest", and the helpful "Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters". The list was too good to not repost it here, and I am a wiser soul after reading it as I am about to embark on my magical love life of sorts:
]]>Signs your unicorn is cheating on you
- Seems emotionally distant and uninterested
- Wears fancier tail ribbons
- Starts working out at the gym
- Quickly closes its laptop when you walk into its enchanted den
- Credit card bill full of charges to area elf lodges
- The "three Cs": confrontation, criticismand complaints
- Every time you say the word "magic," it sighs forlornly
- Is making a movie with Angelina Jolie